So it is definitely 1:53 in the AM and I am up because Tozer was up. I have come to realize that he dictates a lot of my life. I never thought I would be whipped... especially by my dog, but I am. He has a nightly ritually he has recently picked up where he comes and lays his head on the side of my bed from between 1:00-4:00 AM. He will whimper in a pathetic soft whine until I acquiesce to his request and rise from my slumber to free him from his 282 R St. bondage. He was reluctant to come back inside as early as I had anticipated... so my mind was running. In 1 John chapter 4 and 5 I was reading today and there is a section that loosely says... "God Himself can not be seen... He is seen through our love of one another". I think I usually show a poor example of God. I want to love people well... but most of the time I get caught up in my love for myself or secret motives that were unknown to even me or just plain old weariness. The only way for the God of the universe... all His glory... fullness... holiness... righteousness to be seen is through my love for other people. No pressure. Yeah right. I want to learn how to show a great example of God. I want people to be able to look at my love... all of it... when I'm tired... when I'm lonely... when I feel like I want to be selfish... to my students... to my family.... to my friends... to the love of my life. I want to love well. If it looks anything like how I feel toward Tozer right now... it's not good.
It's funny how 2:05 AM can make me go on a rant (to speak at length in a wild, impassionate way) about the weirdest things. Tomorrow I'll be like... why did I write that.
He still won't come inside... I'm gonna kill him.
Ok... so I wonder what it feels like to really be in love. WHOA! It is late. I mean... I have cared very deeper for people before, but I wonder what it feels like to absolutely desire someone so strongly that their needs come before my own... all of them. That is a feeling I would like to have. I believe I have really changed many of my ideals and "lists" when it comes to a woman. I think I needed to. I think it is right. I think Love will be fun. Kinda like climbing is fun. Dangerous, unpredictable, precise, exciting, passionate, wild, free, primal :). That sounds about right.
Ok... so my dog has returned... only to receive a sharp kick to the ribs (not abuse... just a reminder). Maybe I need to work on that love thing.
Trevor
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1 comment:
I totally ran across your bloggie blog thing t'day!
Seriously... it made me laugh so hard. Spoon (the dictator of MY life) likes to do that, too.
Only... I live in an apt (as in no yard) so I can't write lovely blogs in the "doing of duty" time. I have to stand in the cold mud and hope she smells that smell that makes her do what she does (not on carpet, please). Imagine the love there. (as in I might as well be an SS soldier).
Anyway... good luck with that.
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